Beyond Modesty

Modesty seems to be a sore subject for women these days. Many girls think it’s some kind of stifling, sexist idea or an outdated religious rule, while others just don’t see the point. I’ve been there, thought all those things at some point. I wrote this for anyone who wants to know what modesty’s really about.

But first, a definition.

modesty, n.

behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.

Most of us automatically think of clothing when we hear the word “modesty,” but that’s only one part of something greater. Modesty is more of a lifestyle than a to-do list. Worldly standards of modesty (especially concerning clothes) have changed countless times throughout history. I’m not here to judge your outfit; that’s Holy Spirit’s job. Instead, I want to discuss what the Bible says about modesty.

“Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. I 

also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

1 Timothy 2:8-10 (NIV)

The context of this passage is key. Paul is discussing worship. The verse about modesty is something of a tangent here, because it’s a unique way women can worship God. Worship can look like many things, but it is always a response to the acknowledgment of Who God Is. Modesty, therefore, is the creation’s response to her Creator. 

So we see that modesty is not an oppressive external regulation, but rather evidence of a worshipful heart. (By the way, no one is dissing your fancy weave or your gold studs. Paul was trying to make a point, not a law.) Modesty is an invitation to worship God of our own free will. We’re his daughters, and he wants us to make mature decisions, just as any father would!

Before modesty happens on the outside, something has to happen on the inside: the fear of the Lord. Modesty isn’t restrictive, it’s empowering. It contributes to a culture of honor, which is a Kingdom perspective we need to have. Honor is a choice people make because they value something. How much do you value yourself? People can tell by the clothing you wear, the words you speak. 

The goal is simply to honor God, honor others, and honor our own bodies. Do some research; this is a biblical principle. God is honored when we are covered — not because our bodies are shameful, but because they are sacred. Covering our bodies says, “Elohim has done a good job with me.” God is also honored when we behave decently; setting a good example for those around us (1 Tim. 4:12).

“"I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but not everything is constructive.” 

1 Corinthians 10:23 (NIV)

God wants us to understand our value and make choices accordingly. It’s selfish to ignore the fact that immodest clothing and behavior will have a negative effect on others, especially men. If we truly honor God, we’ll die to our flesh and choose maturity, which is a step beyond modesty.

Ladies, I think it’s time we got a clue. It would be nice if we could wear whatever we wanted and say, “Guys should just control themselves.” Yeah, they should, and some do (God bless men of noble character!), but we have self-control as well. If we shift all the responsibility onto the men, we miss our chance to be powerful women of influence! 

Our words, our actions, and (like it or not) our clothing makes an impact on everyone around us. Modesty isn’t some pointless, sexist rule. It is the fruit of a relationship with Elohim — Creator God. When you have a relationship with your father, he speaks to you daily about what he likes and doesn’t like. Choosing modesty is a simple way to worship God, and by doing so we set the standard for everyone around us. It’s time to look beyond small-minded ideas of modesty and start living like we’re loved.

Pursued

My heart was made to be pursued.

As a woman, it's etched in my DNA. I want to be questioned, sought after, remembered, asked to dance, asked my opinion, asked if I'm okay. I want to be valued, respected, worth getting to know, worth fighting for.

God made me this way because it was always his plan to pursue me. He knows exactly how to communicate love to me, and he goes all out. His love ascribes value to my life. It sets me free to be myself.

My job is to learn how to be pursued by him. To accept his sheer pleasure in who I am. To love myself because he says I'm worthy of his love. Self-hatred and insecurity melted away the minute Jesus held a mirror to my face and said, "This is what I see when I look at you." It was nothing like what I saw when I looked at myself.

For years, shame drove me into hiding. I tried to clean my life up, fix my brokenness, and heal my own wounds so I could offer God something other than a total mess. I wanted him, but I was afraid he'd stop loving me when he saw the real me. Shame sabotages relationship.

But God, like the King he is, pursued me anyway, in the midst of my brokenness and shame. That's real love. As I relinquished my shame, he gave me promises in its place. He's a gentle physician. He's a patient lover.  My junk doesn't determine his faithfulness. My imperfections don't intimidate him - he fills in all the gaps for me. All I have to do is... let him.

No human relationship can ever satisfy us the way our very existence requires satisfaction. We need human relationships to be healthy, but only relationship with God can make us whole. Jesus came to give life, and relationship is life-giving. That's why He keeps pursuing us even after we get saved. He's the definition of romance.

Relationship with God is forever. Learning to be pursued by God isn't just "practice" for a human relationship, it's the very reason I was born. Marriage is gonna be great one day, but it's just a shadow of the most important relationship in the universe. When that day comes, I won't need a man's love to sustain me, because I am being sustained by Love himself.

Being pursued is empowering. The spirit of love we've been given is also a spirit of power. The world looks at unmarried people and calls them "singles," as if they lack something. But the truth is that when God captivates your heart, he gives you a spirit of power that will sustain you for life. I'm not sitting around waiting to experience love, wondering what it feels like to be desired and sought after. Love has won my heart.

Hope

My Father has been teaching me about hope. 

In prosperous times and difficult times, my source of hope is my anchor. When people fail me, when circumstances look grim, or even when God doesn’t show up the way I wanted Him to, I am tempted to lose hope. Disappointment comes when the object of my hope fails.

In prosperous seasons, it is so tempting to overlook the existence of hardship. Hope doesn’t seem like a big deal until life gets hard. I absolutely believe God blesses His people, but Jesus prophesied that his followers would face troubles in this life. It is inevitable in this fallen world. If we choose to hope in the God who gives and takes away, we will not feel lost when seasons change. Hope carries us forward so we don’t fall prey to despair.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 

John 16:33 (NIV)

In his mercy, God let us know exactly what to expect: insecurity from the world, steadfast love from God. Because Jesus has overcome the world, it is safe to put our hope in Him. Hope says, “God has done and He will do again.” Hope says, “God’s plan is for my good.” Hope is one step beyond faith. 

“and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” 

Romans 5:5 (NASB)

Have you read the story of Job? It’s pretty miserable from a hopeless point of view. Job's life, however, is a testimony to the power of true hope. At the first signs of trouble, Job’s immediate response was to fall on his knees and worship God. Not even extreme suffering could crush his hope, because he knew God’s character. He knew that the goodness of God is not lessened by the temporary troubles of this world.

If Job, a man who lived before Jesus tore the veil, could place his hope in an unseen God, how much more should we hope in Him today! We have a privilege that Job didn’t have — direct relationship with the Maker of the universe. How much easier it is to hope in Emmanuel — God with us!

God is a good Father. In times of uncertainty, Jesus is constant. In suffering or prosperity, He is faithful. These are promises He has given us which will never disappoint us - we can hope in them! It is simple truth we must stand upon in faith. Truth transforms our minds and offers fresh perspective, but Hope steadies our souls. 

The more I seek the Lord, the more apparent it is to me that He loves us. He just does. The gospel, put simply, is His magnificent plan to restore the broken relationship between man and God. He wants us to be with Him forever, so He sent Jesus to overcome the only thing standing in the way: death. Christianity isn't a religious bandaid to cover a hopeless situation. To be a Christ-follower means having a joyful expectation of something unseen yet guaranteed: eternity with a God who passionately loves us.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)

Comfort Zones

I never imagined that God’s Love could actually change my life... but here I am. Love is contagious. I am still learning how to follow Jesus, even after all these years of knowing about Him. As I give God space to reign in my life, He keeps pushing me outside my comfort zone. It doesn't feel safe, and I don't know what to expect, but I'm excited because I trust Him. We love each other, so it's fun to do things together... even hard things.

How far are you willing to go for Jesus? That question used to torment me as a child. I once prayed, “God, I will follow you, but please don’t send me to Africa.” I was afraid, you see. Until God's love transformed my life, I was only in it for myself. I didn't need God because I was a sinner, I needed Him to give me a ticket out of hell. What a difference relationship makes! Now I want to go wherever my Father is. I no longer have fear, because the Love in me is greater than lies.

My heart is learning to let God be the center. Surrender doesn't feel good until our hearts lines up with God's. He rules with such peace, such love! How can I describe it other than real life? This kind of love was not meant to be contained. The human heart was designed like a vessel. We do not hoard love, we overflow with it. We carry it around with us and splash people as we walk by. Those of us who have tasted and seen the goodness of God cannot help living like this. 

God is looking for His crazy kids… the ones who are so in love they don’t care what others think. The natural risk takers and the ones who dare to come out of their shells. They know that their Father’s opinion is worth more than their own reputation. They obey God’s voice without hesitation. They aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. They are powerful people who refuse to compromise. They are you and I, if we embrace the love of Christ.

Have you seen Disney's Hercules? After Meg gives up her life for Hercules, she says: “People always do crazy things… when they’re in love.”  God is so crazy in love with us that He took our place so He could be with us. He gave everything for us, so why should we do any less for Him? Why do we hesitate to give our lives, our time and our love to others? Leaps of faith and baby steps alike require us to leave our comfort zones. We have to love Jesus more than our immediate feelings of apprehension. 

Every day I make a choice: obey God or live for myself. The older I get, the more I'm tempted to build my life around my personal security. If I’m honest, sometimes I’ve refused to obey the Father's voice simply for fear of what people would think. My comfort zone is just so comfortable, and it’s inconvenient to leave it. I look back with regret on those missed opportunities. Obedience to God is key to success. Obedience unlocks the next level of relationship with Him. 

I want to be a fool for God. If He is truly my defender, then I have nothing to lose. I obey Him because I trust that He is good. Jesus doesn’t ask us to leave our comfort zones for the sake of being “radical” or religious. He’s after our hearts. He's intentional and trustworthy. I'd rather look like a fool than miss out on what God has in store. Love is worth it.

Adopted

What does it mean to be adopted? That's what daughters of God are. We have been Chosen (hand-picked!) to become part of God's family. He saw us in our orphan state and deemed us worthy of His love and attention. His greatest desire is to be a Father to us... to love us and be loved by us. We didn't have to earn His love; it was there all along. When we said "yes" God,  He signed the adoption papers. He paid a very high price for those... it was His purpose from the beginning.

There is such a difference between simply believing in God and being His daughter. I believe in the President and I know a lot about him, but his daughters are the only ones who know him as a father. There is no real relationship until we are adopted. Daughters do not have to wonder if their Father loves them, because adoption is an intentional act of love. God is not waiting to pounce upon every mistake we make. He welcomes us in with the arms of grace.

Daughters receive identity from their father. Are we beautiful? Valuable? Worthy of attention? We learn these things from our fathers. Even if our earthly father has disappointed us, our Heavenly Father never will. Becoming God's daughter means receiving a whole new identity... one that is defined by the truth. We only feel insecure when we believe lies about who we are. What does God say about you? Believing the Truth is the only way to become secure in your identity.

Knowing our identity is key in our relationship with Father God. Daughters know they have direct access to the Father and all His promises! He delights in the company of His daughters. We can go to Him in confidence, knowing that we are His top priority. It is easy to obey God when you trust that He is motivated by Love. Any relationship that is defined by mutual love and trust will grow. 

Being a daughter of God sets us apart in this world. Having that gentle, joyful knowing that we are Daughters will change our lives and impact those around us! That special bond between Father and Daughter is a brilliant light in a world of orphan souls. People who see us living abundantly will be jealous of our confidence, our joy. Even if they do not "want" God, they will realize that they want whatever it is we have... which, of course, happens to be a Father who loves us.

Daughters of God are like magnets! People are drawn to God's love. We must learn to see people through the eyes of our Father. Since we have been adopted, we can invite people into our Father's kingdom. We have permission! We have authority! There is no law against producing the fruit of the Spirit. To love non-exclusively is to follow in Jesus's footsteps. Let us sit with our Father and learn to pour love into a cup of water.

God is Love, and we are in God and He is in us. His family is multicolored, multitalented, and multi-opinionated, and it is so beautiful. A family is not defined by their differences, it is defined by their common ancestry. Adoption brings us together in love so we can celebrate our differences! We have been given a beautiful gift; a license to love. Daughters of God, discover who you are. Rise up and change the world.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” 

John 13:34-35

Single Life

Admit it, ladies. 

Sometimes we just want to skip to the part where we meet Prince Charming, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. It’s those days we become discontent with the season of life we’re in right now: Singleness.

Oops, I said the “s” word. 

Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with being single. We are not broken. We are not unlovable. Loneliness, fear, and discontentment are actually lies that prevent us from becoming the women we were created to be. 

The truth is that our human relationship status does not define us. Adding another person to our lives will not bring security, purpose, or identity apart from God. To have any kind of healthy relationship (not just the romantic kind), we must first understand the character of God and who we are to Him. There is freedom in knowing who we are. That freedom will one day allow a man to compliment us, rather than require him to complete us.

A woman who is secure in her identity, strong in her faith, and unafraid to do the will of her Father is a dangerous woman to the enemy. She is dangerous as a single, and she will be even more dangerous as a wife and mother. The enemy will do everything he can to make sure we don’t know who we are. Being single is the perfect time for us to go deeper in our walk with the Lord and discover who we are. It is a time of adventure; a unique period in which we can focus wholly on pursuing the Father's heart. 

If we want to make the most of this time, we must stop viewing singleness as a desert — a dry season with an oasis of marriage at the end of the journey. Our single years can (and should!) be a constructive time. Once anchored in our Father's love, we will be empowered to meet our destiny - whether that is a marriage, a career, a ministry, or all of the above.

Once Jesus has captivated our hearts, the fun begins. Single years, when surrendered to Jesus, are a training ground for us to develop our talents and use our gifts to bless others. They give us plenty of time and freedom to be about our Father's business. For some of us, that may simply look like giving 110% of ourselves to our jobs, our education, or our families. 

Ladies, marriage is God's plan for many of us. But it's simply not the only thing this life has to offer, nor is it the sole reason we were placed on this earth. Instead of waiting for Prince Charming to carry us away, let’s start chasing the Lover of our souls. Let's dare to give our dreams back to the Dream Giver, and surrender to His timing. 

The good news is that we don't have to place our lives on hold until we get married! Jesus came so we could have Life and have it abundantly— right now. He has adventures planned for us while we are single, so why are we sitting around waiting for the next chapter in life? 

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

 — Psalm 37.4

Into the Unknown

Sometimes God calls us to do hard things. Things we may not understand. It takes crazy faith to obey God even when you can’t foresee the outcome of that obedience. It doesn't feel safe.

I am not one to voluntarily leave my comfort zone. When God calls me to step into unknown territory, fearful questions come flooding in and I'm faced with a tough decision. The answer is always "yes" to the Lord, but sometimes it is a struggle to get to that place of complete surrender.

Lately, the Lord has been drawing me deeper into relationship with Him. It is exciting, but it also requires a lot of trust. For the first time, I can to relate to Abraham. God called Abraham (as He calls us all) to abandon his life to follow Him. Abraham, like a fool in love, chose to obey. His life story is one of radical faith and obedience. It inspires me.

As I read Abraham's story again, I had to wonder. How did he do it? How could this guy literally pack up everything he owned and leave everything he knew to follow God? I think it's because Abraham really grasped this simple truth: God is a good Father. Therefore, it follows that anything He calls us to do is for a good reason — even if we don’t understand how or why at the time. Obedience springs from trust that His plans are good.

Sometimes I just want to ask God, "Why?" I don't always understand the reason behind His calling. It frustrates my human mind. Wouldn't it make life easier if God would just explain Himself? In Abraham's case, God could have just handed him a map to the promised land. But it isn't like the Father to give us a To-Do list and exit the scene. There is no relationship that way. God doesn't lead us into the unknown to abandon us there.

Instead of just pointing Abraham in the right direction, God promised that He would show him where to go. Every day, Abraham's steps were guided by the Father. He didn't mention where they were headed because it wasn't just about the destination; it was about the journey. If the future wasn't a mystery to us, we would be restless in the present. God reserved the right to lead Abraham so that their relationship could grow without distraction. 

It's okay to not understand when God speaks. James tells us that trials of faith ultimately lead to strengthened character. Because of Jesus, we can have an even deeper relationship with the Father than Abraham had! This is crucial, because life happens and life is hard. It is a divine paradox to find safety and security in a God who calls us into the unknown.

Each time God calls, we have a choice to make: Listen to fear or step out in faith. If Abraham had stayed put when God told him to move, the entire earth would look different. God needed someone to be the father of many nations, but Abraham still had a choice. Obedience, no matter how difficult, always brings blessings. God doesn't get any glory when we cave in to fear. 

"If you take that first step

Into the unknown

He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for?"

- Walk on the Water by Britt Nicole